The Juiciest Gazelle is the Easiest to Catch*

My cousin (we’ll call her S) is breaking my heart.  She is twenty four and has a lot going for her.  Except for her dickhead boyfriend.  He is not something good in her life and it hurts when I think of the situation she’s currently in.

I recently found out that he has previously cheated on her four times.  That’s with four different people for those wanting the clarification.  After this revelation (and it’s kinda telling that she hid this from us), she found out he had a mobile phone that he was hiding from her and, when she found it, he spent a long time trying to delete as many messages as he could before she saw them.  He’s slept with at least two more women (as well as the other four) and has stopped short off sleeping with others.  When all of this came to light, she dumped him.  She didn’t kick him out of her house, or even our of her bed, but they were apparently broken up.  And he was saying things like “I have nothing to live for without you” and “At work today I was on the 42nd floor and realised how easy it would be to unclip my harness”.  Given past events, his comments are way out of line and unacceptable.  I would dump him for that part alone.  He also told her that the only reason they’re not together anymore is because she won’t forgive him.**

Memo to Fathers of the World

Dear Fathers,

When you are looking after your kids, you are NOT baby sitting til your partner gets home.  THEY ARE YOUR KIDS.  Baby sitting is an activity engaged in by people who are not the primary caregivers.

No, seriously, listen to me.  If you are watching the kids and you see yourself as baby sitting, you have a BIG issue that needs to be solved.  As their father you should be one of the primary caregivers.  And you should see yourself that way.  And looking after them?  Shouldn’t be a temporary thing to give their mum a break, or time to do errands, or whatever other reason you have.

So, no more.  You are not baby sitters.  You are parents.

Love,

Whyimbitter.

PS. I hate adding these damn things, but I seem to have a lot of anti feminists over here these days, so here goes:

If you’re a father that doesn’t see looking after the kids as baby sitting, this post is not directed at you.  Do not take offence, do not send me emails, I don’t care.

If you’re a person who has heard mothers use the same phrase and are about to get up in arms about this post being directed at fathers only, go start your own damn blog and direct something at those mothers.  This post (like 90% of the blog) is inspired by my personal experience and this is what I wanted to say.  And mothers cop enough shit off everyone to not get it in my space.

Rape is Always Rape, Actually

Wow. I mean, we all knew this kind of attitude existed – feminists have been calling people out for this shit for years.  Doesn’t mean I’d expect to see a Judge come out and say it.  On the other hand, at least with this crap so blatant and out in the open we have a better chance of fighting it.

From the article:

A JUDGE has questioned if a man who had sex with a drunken woman after she passed out should be “marked for the rest of his days as a rapist”

In short, yes.  Longer:  Ab-so-fucking-lutely.  Because he IS a rapist.  So yes, he should be marked as one.

Over it.

Last night coffeeguy and I went to a movie.  This date had been rescheduled three times at this point.  The first time he had to reschedule due to work, the second was my fault, also a work thing, and then we had plans for Sunday day and he was too hungover so it got moved to Sunday night.  By this point I was really ready to just say ‘forget it’, not out of anger or spite, just from being too tired/busy to care anymore.  But I didn’t and I went.

And the movie was hilarious*, and it was fun and relaxing to talk to him for the half hour beforehand and about ten minutes afterwards.  Sidenote follow up: I paid for both tickets to the movie, he bought me a bottle of water from the candy bar.  That should keep a certain reader happy.   But honestly, I’m so over dating.  I’m exhausted at this very moment because I’ve had five hours sleep and I’m at work.  I’m not going to be making any effort anymore.  If he follows up and asks me out again, and I happen to be free and interested in whatever activity he picks, maybe I’ll go.  But those are some big ifs right there.

There’s no one else in the line up**, and I’m more than happy to just be single without all the dating nonsense for awhile.  Should be a relaxing change for me, although my brother thinks it will only last a week.  Who knows?  All I know is, I’m over it.

Another interesting (to me) sidenote: the movie (‘Drag me to Hell’ for those interested) is about a bank officer who refuses a third extension on a loan.  This naturally led to conversations on debt collecting and our views are incredibly far out of sync.  Which is kind of a problem to me because it’s my job.  So there’s that too.

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*unintentionally given it was a horror film…

** yeah, that’s a great way to phrase it right there…

Mini Post – Dating 7

Not much to report tonight, but thought I’d post an update for those people avidly following my love life from their computer screens.

Sunday went well. I had a nice time (and won) and he didn’t piss me off or raise any red flags, so that’s always a bonus. He’s the type of guy I can be comfortable around, and I’m always relaxed and happy around him, so that’s a plus.

My Vagina is a Great Receptionist (apparently)

 Ok, I had a serious wtf? moment at work last week.

The Customer Service team here is made up of four young women all between the ages of 19 and 22.  Their manager is a 26 year old woman.  When they’re short staffed (often), they are helped out either by a junior member of the Settlements team (22 year old woman) or by a 24 year old woman from the credit department.  The ages and gender are all insignificant so far.  The significant information is the positions within their departments of the two helpers.  The Settlements Officer is a junior within her department, not because of gender or age.  The Credit Officer they pick is one of three that work the easier accounts.  It is telling that they pick her over the two men that also work the easier accounts.

Is It Worth It? An End to the Whole Saga

I cannot believe how complicated and petty this whole thing got.  When I look back on my first date with plateboy, I want to shake my younger self and tell her to just avoid it.  At all costs.  ARGH.

But anyway, I will blog the end of it, then shut the door on the whole sorry tale and learn my lessons for next time.  Although at this point it feels like the lesson is ‘men aren’t worth it’.

So after my last attempt to pick up my stuff ended in pettiness, I was fairly pissed off.  I managed to get hold of plateboy by calling from a private number and he once again pretended he hadn’t received any of my messages and that it was all a misunderstanding, except this time I said no.  I just wanted to organise to get my stuff back.  His phone cut out before anything could be organised and he was uncontactable for the rest of the weekend, and again ignored my messages.

Equal Pay Anyone?

Next time someone says feminism has gone too far, or that it’s no longer relevant, or whatever other bullshit they’re spouting these days, send them here.  Or indeed, next time someone asks me why I’m so bitter for someone so young…

Is it seriously 2009???  This is getting freaking ridiculous.

Don’t Feed the Trolls

In some of my recent researching, I’ve stumbled across www.thefrisky.com and absolutely love it.  Not every single article is perfect, or stands up to feminist scrutiny, however overall it’s pretty damn awesome.

Now, I know it’s usually considered bad form to respond to a poster on a different site, but given the vile contents of these comments, I’m doing it anyway.

On a post about alternatives to intercourse, ‘Bat Leaper’ came out of the murky swamp where all mras and trolls like to spend their days and had this to say:

Who pays?

I’m finding way more conflicts with how I live my life and what I believe as a feminist now that I’m dating.  In a relationship, the compromises are less noticeable*, and seemed to occur less often.  In dating, I’m noticing compromises every single time I go out with, or even just talk to, a guy.  It’s irritating.

A lot of it is stemming from my attempts to be a less difficult and argumentative person in life in general.  I’ve always been highly argumentative, and ‘difficult’ has always been the one word to turn up in any description of me, by friends and foes alike.  So I’m trying to change that and I’ve been biting my tongue more often and attempting to let things slide and not get so worked up over every little thing.  It probably explains a lot about what went down with the plateboy situation.

Anyway, the specific point in this post is in regards to paying on dates.  In general, I hate people paying for me for anything.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a cup of coffee because I’m doing a coffee run for you, or if you’ve lent me $10 until I get to an atm.  If I’ve got the cash on me I won’t let you pay, if I don’t have it on me, I will pay you back the minute I’ve got it.