There are some days where you’re just so tired you can’t see straight. And still you go on.
And on these days you normally have something to look forward to, usually it’s at the end of the day.
When what you were looking forward to turns out to be a huge disappointment and doesn’t live up to what you expected, it’s hard to keep going.
But you do anyway.
And then you get to go to bed. The catch is that you have to get up the next day and do it all over again
Two weeks ago one of my closest friends had his 21st party. This coincided with Nigel having a week off so it seemed perfect. Nigel is a baker, you understand, so he always has to start work anytime between 1 and 4am. Going out is not often an option for him. This is how our day/night went:
First, I needed to make brownies and a birthday cake and I asked for help. Silly me. He went to the store so I could start the brownies. Even with a detailed shopping list he still called me three times to clarify things because he’s just not capable of shopping on his own. I honestly do not remember the last time he went shopping on his own and didn’t call me at least twice whilst there. For someone who is 23 years old, this is actually quite concerning.
Then when he got home, I needed his help to make things. All he could do was ask me stupid questions about what he was doing. He had the same access to the recipe that I had, it was lying on the bench, and he wasn’t able to look for himself, he needed me to do it for him. Did you notice the part earlier where I mentioned that he’s a BAKER?! Perfectly competent baker, and yet he can’t do something as simple as read a recipe? *sighs*
The next drama came when it was time to get dressed. Nigel is actually pretty useless at picking out his own outfits, and if I refuse to do this, he will just sulk and sit in the corner until I give in or go without him. This party was Halloween themed, and none of the suggestions I made were good enough for him. He wanted to get a chainsaw and be some stupid character from some stupid b grade film he loves. We don’t have a chainsaw and he would have had to borrow one from his family. The problems there will be contained in another post.
After I blew up at him about his sulking and pouting and being generally unhelpful, he walked out of the house. I assumed he’d gone to get the chainsaw because I’d given in. After half an hour I was livid. We were running late and he’d disappeared for half an hour to get a stupid thing for his stupid costume. Except when I went to his parents house, he wasn’t there and they hadn’t seen him all night. He had his keys with him and there was no petrol in my car, so I couldn’t even go without him. Finally in desperation I called his name out whilst in our backyard, and then he came wandering out of his grandmother’s backyard where he’d been sitting for almost an hour playing with my cat.
It’s two weeks later and he still doesn’t understand why I’m so angry at him and how out of line his behaviour was throughout the entire day/night. In the car I told him he had to sms his mother so that she wouldn’t worry. He didn’t do it and eventually I gave in and did it.
This relationship makes me more bitter than most other things in the world.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered getting out of bed.
Today I’m just grateful for the bottle of wine waiting for me in my fridge. Less than an hour to home time, an hour after that I will be chilling with my chilled alcohol.
I guess on bad days you have to make sure you have something to look forward to right?
Think I’m goin home
I think I’m gettin lost for a while
So I’ll file away all my dreams
Though I still believe in everything
Honestly over you
Honestly over you
One lie short of true
Honestly over you
Lookin for some hope
Polished off the whiskey tonight
You turned a man to stone
For lookin at you straight in the eyes
Full lyrics, without the omitted parts, found here.
This song breaks my heart when I listen to it. In some twisted way, it also comforts me. You have to hear it to fully appreciate it, so if you can, find a way to listen to it.
Well, if I’d realised how many hits I’d get from a post about birth control, hormones and hair, I probably would have written more much sooner.
Ok. First, a note. DO NOT USE HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL TO LOWER THE AMOUNT OF HAIR ON YOU. JUST DON’T DO IT.
It does not matter how much hair you have. It honestly, truly doesn’t. I promise you that putting your body through hormonal birth control is not worth being hairless. Just, don’t do it.
Ok now on to my personal stuff.
My psychologist seemed concerned that I have a low sex drive. She said at my age (21) it is not normal for it to be almost non existent and I should get my hormones checked. It was at this point I remembered that a side effect of poly cystic ovaries is increased testosterone levels.
So apparently there are side effects no matter what I do. I guess at least without the hormonal injections, I’m letting my body do what naturally happens. And if it’s bad stuff that happens, I can get the causes fixed, not cover up the symptoms with hormones.
I still feel like women were royally fucked when our bodies were made. It’s our ‘women parts’ that screw up the most.
But seriously, DO NOT TAKE HORMONES JUST TO STOP HAIR!!!!
An article discussing PETA’s misogynistic tactics. It doesn’t condemn the sexism enough for my taste, but it is a mainstream newspaper.
At this point I’ll take what I can get.
I’ve been absent. A combination of work, life and laziness intervened with my good intentions and stopped me from posting.
This will probably happen weekly, but I will always try to catch up on the weekends. I was extremely drunk on Friday night and extremely sore yesterday, so this weekend was a bit of a wash out.
OK everyone please pay attention, I don’t like repeating myself.
Using ANY variation of the phrase ‘it is a truth universally acknowledged’ is not witty, unique, smart or funny. It is in fact an overused, tired cliche.
Please stop it.
There’s nothing I could add that would improve that. Just go read it.