Am I the crazy one?

January 25, 2009 at 9:54 pm (feminism, personal)

Recently I’ve spent a bit of time with my uni friends.  We’ve all been trying to make a bit of an effort because we’re no longer at uni and therefore there’s no forced meet ups through class times and uni bar visits.  It’s amazing the things they say.

At two separate barbecues, the topic of marriage came up.  My friends are in their very early twenties, so this seems a bit early to be bringing this up, but maybe I’m on wrong on this.

The first time, one of my friends (we’ll call her Friend A, or FA for short) had been to a few weddings in a row and was sighing over the fact that she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet.  FA has recently turned 22 and made the statement that if she’s not engaged by 24, she’ll kill herself.  Friend D (FD) agreed with this, and incidentally she’s also single.  Is this the kind of message we’re really meant to be learning in society?  University educated women should be married by 24 or they’re worthless???  When did this become acceptable again?  My 25 year old male friend laughed at both of them as he’s never had a serious relationship and is past their cut off age.  They took that as a sign there’s something wrong with him.  I chose to change the topic as soon as possible.
The next barbecue, marriage came up again.  I mean, how could it not?  This time, three different things were said that disturbed me.  The first was by both FA and FD when they announced that they both have guys they plan to marry if they haven’t found anyone by a certain age.  The ages changed over the night but ranged from 35-40.  So, not only are my friends incredibly desperate to get married, they’d actually consider marrying someone they only see as a friend just to avoid not being married.

Next. my twenty-four year old friend started talking about her relationship.  She’s been with her partner for about four years, and has decided that their relationship has plateaued and that the only thing to do now is to get engaged so she can plan a wedding to get the excitement back.  Does this scream ‘BAD IDEA’ to anyone else??  Last time I needed ‘excitement’ back in my relationship, we planned a trip to Europe.  And when they get married, what’s she going to do to bring the excitement back?  Have a baby?  Another extremely bad idea.

This same friend also started talking about a recent holiday she’d had with the same boyfriend.  Apparently because she’s waiting for the marriage proposal for reasons stated above, she assumed he was going to use the holiday to propose.  When it got to the last night of their trip and he still hadn’t asked, she got very dressed up assuming that’s what would happen at dinner.  It didn’t and she was disappointed.  After hearing this, I asked around and it’s actually quite a common story.  A couple of things about this, 1) why is there so much pressure on making a perfect, ‘romantic’ proposal? 2) why does it have to be a surprise? 3) why does it have to be the guy? 4) why the hell do otherwise intelligent, gorgeous women sit around waiting for their partner to propose??  Why don’t they either go out and find a partner that wants the same things as them, or, you know, concentrate on cool things like careers, friends, travelling (without the expected romance) etc etc?  I just don’t understand my friends.


1 Comment

  1. Kate said,

    You do understand some of your friends. The ones that don’t even think about marriage, and sit around being gorgeous and intelligent (hmm like that one), and do cool things.


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