Friend or Stalker?

February 8, 2009 at 11:06 pm (arsehats, cliches, feminism, idiots, male privilege, movies)

Friendship with men has been on my mind a lot lately.  It seems to crop up in almost every conversation or blog reading session I do.  So I figured it was time to address it here.  In a ‘get all my feelings on paper (metaphorically) and then move on’ kind of way.

There’s a few different aspects to this but the main one that gets me annoyed is the idea that if you get turned down for a date, you should feel free to befriend the person who turned you down and essentially stalk them for as long as it takes to get that damn date.  This is a bad philosophy.  It’s one that gets rammed down our throats in almost every romantic movie, tv show etc.  It rarely works out and in most cases, when depicted by Hollywood, it’s stalking.  That’s not cute.  It’s not romantic.  It’s stalking.  Stop it, Hollywood, you’re destroying social interaction for everyone.

If you are turned down, but truly, genuinely want to be friends with the other person, and can do so without pressuring for something more, then great, go be friends.  If you’re using the idea of friendship as a way to get into the other person’s pants, back off.  Don’t do it.  Don’t sit there and pine away after the other person.  Move on with your life.

Admittedly, I have had success with the whole ‘getting friends to date you’ thing.  It was in high school though, and the main reason I had to wait to get that date was because the person in question had a girlfriend when I met them.  That’s the only reason it’s ever worked for me, and it’s still a stupid way to get a partner.

Another side to this – if you want something other than friendship, ask for it.  Don’t befriend someone with the idea of pursuing something further down the track.  It’s very similar to the point above, but without the initial turndown.  Try sticking with honesty.  As long as you’re able to take rejection well and not push the point, being upfront is always better than trying to be friends first and pursuing a secret agenda.  Don’t do it.

To round off, a comic from xkcd that helped me decide to post this.


1 Comment

  1. Nice Guy Syndrome « WhyI’mbitter’s Weblog said,

    […] serious, go read it.  It also ties in nicely with my post, Friend or Stalker.  Of which I will have an update on very shortly.  When I have more than two minutes left of […]

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