Losing my grip

February 28, 2009 at 7:14 pm (personal)

I am very very quickly losing my grip on the very little sanity I have left.  Quite a number of my friends have taken to constantly asking me if I’m ok.*  The thing is, I’m not ok.  Am I meant to be?  But breaking down over and over again is not going to help me get better.  It’s not going to help me get through every day and it’s also just not going to happen.  So I wish these people would stop.  Honestly, this happens to me everytime something shit in my life happens and I’m seriously going to lose my shit.

I am managing to get through every day mostly fine, too.  Occasionally I have a slight breakdown that indicates there’s more crap beneath the surface than I’m letting myself feel, but that’s something I will deal with in time.  There are moments when my friends need me for something and I can’t be there for them right now.  It happened when my aunt died and I was trying to sort through my shit and friends needed support and I couldn’t provide it.  And I can’t provide it now either.  I can’t do anything but concentrate on getting through every single day in the best possible way.

So, some helpful tips for all my readers (just to make sure there’s actually a point to this post).  If something bad happens to one of your friends, don’t ask them how they’re doing or if they’re ok.  Just be there for them.  The best support I’ve had so far is being able to sit on my friend’s lounge and just talk about nothing.  She let me cry without saying anything, she fed me chocolate, she talked about whatever topic I wanted to talk about.  It was everything I needed at that moment and she’s awesome.  Be that friend.  And check in with them.  Another friend of mine that knows whats going on hasn’t spoken to me in over a week.  I’m sure she’s busy and whatever, but I’ve always dropped everything to be there for her, so this hurts.  I’m going to make much less of an effort next time she needs help.  Last tip, if something goes wrong in your life whilst your friend is dealing with their own shit?  Find another friend.  No joke, dumping on a friend who’s already dealing with crap is not going to help you.  And it’s not going to help them.

And to all my supportive friends, I love you all to death.  I will be ok one day, just let it happen.

*I’m getting really really sick of having to add these, but this is not something that relates to anyone who has access to this blog (that I know of.  If I don’t know you’re reading this, it’s your own damn fault if you’re upset by this shit.)

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