Two Stories – Many Complications

June 29, 2009 at 8:47 pm (Dating, idiots, personal)

Ok, it story time and I have two stories to tell you all tonight.  With a (predictable) twist at the end of them 🙂

A’s Story

The first story is about a highly insecure and inexperienced woman.  She was dating a man that she wasn’t 100% sure about and was being very cautious.  A few things were adding up in her mind that were making things seem slightly rocky.  The man, we’ll call him ‘C’, appeared to still be in love with an ex girlfriend, and had made several comments about how bad he is at ending relationships he doesn’t want to be in and how he’s easily persuaded to do things he doesn’t want to do.  The woman, we’ll call her ‘A’, took these facts as a caution against what might happen in the near future, and was immediately on edge around C.

A was also incredibly confused by all the rituals of dating and was seeking advice from all her friends about what was going on.  Just over two weeks into dating C, A decided she was ready to be exclusive and stop dating other men.  She also realised she did really like him and was happy to see where things went.  Over the course of three days, A asked C when he would be free to see her three separate times and received no response.  A’s friends all advised her she was appearing too available, and that of course C had lost interest as she’d made it too easy for him.  This depressed A and she wondered just how many games she would have to play to be able to date, and how long you were meant to keep the games up for once you started seeing someone.

A took her friends advice at face value, given how much more experience they had and sent a message to C requesting a suitable time that weekend for her to pick up some stuff she’d left at his house.


D’s Story

D was a fairly insecure guy that hid it behind sarcasm and a facade of a big ego.  He had recently been single for the longest amount of time in ten years, and decided he was ready to move on from his exes and start dating again.  He found a woman, let’s call her E just for kicks, he liked a lot, and things were going fairly well.  Except that she was a bit distant, a bit cagey, and wasn’t ready to be exclusive straight away.  D was a big believer in exclusivity from the start and was slightly hurt that E didn’t appear to be ready for this, even after two weeks and after sleeping together.

E had told D that she had plans for the weekend, and was completely booked out, so D made other plans to spend time with his family.  On Sunday night, D found out that E’s plans had all fallen through, but that she hadn’t attempted to make any plans to see him instead.  This was upsetting.

On Monday night, D had a lot of work to catch up on for his job, so he left his phone on silent in another room for a few hours.  When he came back to it, there were 12 smses from various people, 3 of which were from E, one in particular letting him know that she was de-activating her online profile, and was ready to stop dating other guys.  He responded to all of them and went to bed.

On Wednesday morning, D noticed that E had re-activated her online profile and when he realised that she hadn’t tried to make any further plans with him, despite the ball being firmly in her court, he was a bit confused and started to figure out that he was being dumped.  On Thurdsay he received a message from E asking when she could pick up all her stuff, and the final piece fell into place in his head: He was dumped, they were over.


Ok so who guessed that this is the same story?  A=E, C=D.*  Very different in perspective though aren’t they?

Why do we let these things get so complicated?  One simple misunderstanding, everyone rushing to cover themselves in case they’re appearing too vulnerable, and what could have been quite a promising relationship is over.  And from the point I’ve left the stories, they actually get quite a bit more complicated.


S and B’s Story

On the Saturday evening following these events, B sent S a message asking what had made her decide to end it, because he was curious.  S was flummoxed** and rang him to find out what was going on.  By talking, they figured out the mis-communication and all the perspective issues involved in the stories.  After working out the mis-communication, they went on to discuss how horrible B’s week had been, how bad S’ week had been, and started discussing a TV show S had lent B, when his phone died.  It stayed dead all weekend, and the two have yet to have a chance to talk again.

So where do they stand?  Are they together? Are they not together?  Are they together, but back a few stages from where they were because of what happened?  Are they together and further advanced a few stages because of waht happened?

Does anyone have a simple answer to a situation that is way more complicated than it really should be???

Learnt a few personal lessons from this.  Hopefully I’m smart enough to put them into practice from now on.


*And in fact, A=E=me. And C=D=B, or plateboy as he’s known in some parts.

**I love this word 🙂



  1. Violett said,

    Human relationships are just *so* complicated. It seems that I tend to agree with pretty much everything I’ve read here. It doesn’t make for very substantial comments, but it’s true.

    • whyimbitter said,

      well it might not make for a substantial comment, but it’s still good to hear 🙂

      And yeah, they are incredibly complicated! So frustrating!

  2. This Shit Just Got Petty « WhyI’mbitter’s Weblog said,

    […] 2, 2009 by whyimbitter Well after the events in this post, I was left confused.  I tried calling him on Monday morning and he was busy, so we left […]

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    […] has a post up at Clouds Moving in about Impact v. Intent.  Reading it got me thinking about this post of mine and the resulting mess.  And then I gained another perspective on the whole […]

  4. Impact v intent | Clouds moving in said,

    […] for a good read on different perceptions, click here to read WhyI’mbitter’s interesting post. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe […]

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