There usually comes a moment in most new relationships or friendships where a feminist realises this new person she’s invested so much time and energy and trust etc in doesn’t view her as a human.*
It’s odd, because we know this to be true of most p-indoctrinated people. Things would not happen the way they do if the majority of the world viewed women as equal humans. But it’s just so heartbreakingly different when it smacks you in the face in your personal life.
The latest moment for me (and it’s been so long since it’s hit me this hard I thought I was becoming immune to it) was from Coffeeguy. He seemed like such a great guy on all our dates and in all our conversations. No red flags in anything he said, no problems, nothing that would unsettle me enough to remind me I live in a patriarchy.
On our last date before I traipsed off to the other side of the globe he mentioned something about restaurant chain ‘Hooters’. It was a casual, throwaway reference but it unsettled me. The implication in what he said was that he frequents the chain a lot. I spent a lot of time wondering if this was enough to stop seeing him, or if it was my brain looking for any excuse to get out of this thing once and for all.
Luckily, before I had to answer any difficult questions like that, I found these posts by him on a forum he frequents:
Why aren’t there any hookers in [football team]?
What use is a hooker that can’t swallow!!!
I hear the [football team] are bringing out a 30 year commemrative jersey for 2010. They are replacing the [team] logo with a tampon, because it’s the worst period they have ever had.**
They’re not the worst jokes I’ve ever heard, and they’re also not the most antifeminist/antiwomen comments I’ve ever come across, but they hit home hard at just what his opinion on women must be if he can make jokes like that so casually. Interestingly, these were on a thread full of jokes about that football team, and nobody else on there was even close to being this vile about women.
There is no way I can see someone who thinks these jokes are appropriate. Which is kind of almost a shame.
*basic foundation of radical feminist thought that women aren’t viewed as human. I don’t want to argue that assumption here, I’m not a feminist 101 blog. So if you don’t agree, go cry about it on your own blog.
**his spelling and punctuation, not mine. Also, said football team are known as ‘chokers’ as they seem to make it to the finals quite often and never manage to win.