These final two scenarios are long and tied up together, so I’m making them a separate post to the first one. It’s not just because I like extra hits on my blog, I swear 🙂
Nice Guy Scenario 3; Douchebag. Not a very original nickname, granted, but I find it appropriate. And in this situation, more than in any of the others, I should have known better. I really really should have. But that’s ok, live and learn, onwards and upwards, blah blah etc etc.
So DB was a “good friend” that I had problematic conversations with previously. But I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to be friends. My bad. One such conversation had involved DB trying to ascertain if I was interested in him in a very roundabout way, which then led to him straight out saying that he wanted to break up with his girlfriend but didn’t want to be alone. So if he knew someone ‘as awesome as [me]’ was interested in him, he’d leave her. I told him to pull his head in and that he’d be better off alone because that was an unfair situation and I wouldn’t put myself in that position. He didn’t take it that well.
Moving right along to the argument this post is about though, DB took exception to my comments about Clueless Boy from the previous post. He agreed with him that I do only notice the arsehats, and that lots of Nice Guys like me (he was including himself in this category as much as CB was. Funny that). Now I lost it at this point and blocked him on msn so I could have some breathing space. DB then sent me an sms, to which I responded that I would be blocking his number and not to reply. So he moved it to facebook. The very nature of the way he carried this argument out is predatory. I was asking for space and time to calm down and he utilized every means of communication available to him to bring as much of the drama to me as possible. This is not cool. It’s not something a decent person would do. But I, being the very Silly Rabbit that I have been for the past little while, finally entertained his bullshit.
Some snippets of the ensuing argument, since it was a much longer one than the others:
All opinions of DB were stated as absolute total facts, there was no “I feel that these actions constitute this definition for the following reasons…” it was just “if you do this it means you are that and that is the worst thing anyone can do in the history of ever”
He categorized my avoidance of the argument as me being “weak” for “running from the truth”. Because, of course, HE is the Speaker of Truth, and the only way anything can be Known is by listening to his Fresh! Manly! Wisdom!
DB spent a great deal of time explaining all the ways women have done him wrong in the past when he was a perfect boyfriend (his depiction), and used this as justification for his current behaviour and his attitude of doing whatever makes him happy*
DB’s definition of being a ‘good guy’** “I am a pretty good guy, definitely not perfect, but I don’t hit women, never hurt them, I don’t hurt kids, I am compassionate, I do what is asked of me within reason”. Doesn’t that just make him passable as a human being? Am I missing something? When did that particular list become exceptionable qualities in a human being?? Surely they are the bare minimum, surely?!
You know what? There’s a lot more to this argument but it’s not worth my time anymore. He tried the same as Toto, wherein he gave a whole sob story to get sympathy to justify current behaviour. I ignored it this time also. He then turned it into an attack on me by taking my behaviour, specifically that I have previously dated more than one person at once, labeled it as cheating, then labeled THAT as the “most selfish act one can do”.
DB is no longer part of my life. He still claims he’s a Good Guy and the he deserves whatever woman he wants.
Nice Guy Scenario 4; Fuck-Knuckle Dum and Fuck-Knuckle Dee. Troll boys, both of these two. Any of you readers that have me on facebook will know these two as the ones who were trolling my statuses a few weeks ago. They’re gone from my list now, and I’m not sure why it took me so long, but boy am I glad they are. These two took exception to anything anti male I had to say at all. Their suggestion was that I stop hanging out with arseholes.
Now FK Dum was already ‘on notice’ to me as far as the friendship was concerned. I’d found out recently that he’d been having a discussion with DB about what they each like in women and they both spent a fair amount of time discussing my breasts. Apparently though, this wasn’t objectification because they were only talking about looks at that point in time, and also it’s clearly meant to be a compliment because I’m well aware I have the best breasts in this group of friends. (sidenote: and they all wonder why I’m so bitter towards men? Really?) FK Dum had specifically said in this conversation that he would like “to ride that^ to the moon and back” and that whilst he felt he had a “golden ticket” to do so he didn’t want to ruin the friendship. I’d like to ruin something precious to him after being spoken about like that.
FK Dee blames me for the recent run of arseholes in my life, and stated that people tend to hang out with those similar to themselves, so maybe I should look internally. I pointed out that this was inherently victim blaming, and was told that if I don’t want to be a victim, I shouldn’t make myself one. And that if I was sick of being treated like crap I should stop hanging out with douchebags. I have since stopped hanging out with all of these three, and I have definitely been happier, so maybe he was on to something there.
I’m going to do a longer post on this soon, however I did want to point out that I’m now seeing a decent guy who is wonderful and treats me great. And he’s never once in his life called himself a Nice Guy to me, nor does he think any of the above behaviour was acceptable. So no, I don’t hate all men, no I don’t think all men are arseholes, no I don’t intentionally hang out with arsehats. I just give people the benefit of the doubt. Clearly in most cases I shouldn’t.
Any Nice Guy stories to share, Dear Readers? If, indeed, I happen to have any of you left after my uber long hiatus.
*It’s important to note here that I really never actually gave a shit about his attitude, except insofar as he was never going to be someone I dated because of it. His anger here stemmed from me saying he’s not exactly altruistic in relationships. That’s all I said. I’d wager the defensive nature of his responses has more to do with his own conscience than anything I could have said.
** he’s aware enough not to use the phrase ‘nice guy’ around me.
^ They weren’t objectifying me but they referred to me as a ‘that’. Logic: you’re doing it wrong.