Links Round Up: To Continue A Theme

September 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm (arsehats, Dating, feminism, Giant Babies, idiots, men hate you)

Following on from my Nice Guy posts, here are some people who write better than I do:

lemonadeandlemoncake at Iced Tea and Lemon Cake has Feminism 101 – Nice Guy Syndrome

Jeff Fecke at Shakesville has Explainer: What is a “Nice Guy?”

Jill at Feministe has I’ll take voting rights over a knight in shining armor, thanks.

tigtog dealt with it nicely at Finally, A Feminism 101 Blog in Frequently Whimpered Whines: The Nice Guys™ theme song

the ex-expat at The Hand Mirror has The nice guy (TM)

There’s a collection of awesome at Heartless Bitches

A comic here

 

Can anyone guess what I’ve spent all day at work doing?

 

 

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They’re Just Not That Nice

September 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm (arsehats, cliches, feminism, Giant Babies, idiots, men hate you, personal)

These final two scenarios are long and tied up together, so I’m making them a separate post to the first one.  It’s not just because I like extra hits on my blog, I swear 🙂

Nice Guy Scenario 3; Douchebag.  Not a very original nickname, granted, but I find it appropriate.  And in this situation, more than in any of the others, I should have known better.  I really really should have.  But that’s ok, live and learn, onwards and upwards, blah blah etc etc.

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Nice Guy Infestation

September 29, 2011 at 5:22 pm (arsehats, Dating, Giant Babies, idiots, personal)

A Nice Guy infestation is spreading through my life like a zombie outbreak.  Only nowhere near as cool.  I wish I was in a zombie apocalypse and could smash heads in with sledgehammers.  That would be way cool, especially compared to … this.  I have four examples for you, dear readers, just from the last couple of weeks of my life.  (And on a sidenote, aren’t you all lucky I chose to stop wasting my time with these dickwads, and start blogging again?  Much better use of this precious resource, I think).

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The Blame Game

October 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm (abuse, arsehats, bullying, Dating, feminism, office, personal, Rapists)

A few years ago I followed a link and read this by Andrea Dworkin. I was upset and confused about such a strong feminist choosing not to report such a horrible thing to the police. I didn’t understand. And I felt it was my right to judge her, and all of her feminist acts, based on this one thing. I was very, very wrong.

These days though, I get it. I have never been raped (to my knowledge), but I have been in bad situations and haven’t reported any of them to authorities. I won’t report him for drugging me. I won’t report him to HR for causing my work life to be increasingly uncomfortable just because we had a bad date. I didn’t report my previous employer for the harassment and subsequent victimisation they put me through, even though it led to me quitting with no job lined up. And those are only the recent examples. I have a long history of not reporting things, and I feel this will continue far into my future (assuming of course that these horrible events keep occuring to me).

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More Dating issues, or Why Do I Even Bother?

September 27, 2010 at 5:38 pm (arsehats, Dating, office, personal)

I officially decided a couple of months ago that I’m ready to start dating again after coffeeguy.  Still trying to work out why I even bothered.  (And to the few readers that I have left, sorry if you thought there would be less dating posts these days)

So, in no particular order…

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Betrayed and lost

September 27, 2010 at 8:11 am (arsehats, idiots, personal)

I had a friend.  He was kind of my best friend.  I could always count on him to say exactly what I needed (not wanted) to hear, and be there when I needed it.

When I was having issues with my sleeping (depression related – symptom of a bad relationship then a bad break up), his house was the only place I could get a full, decent night’s sleep.*  When I hit my absolute lowest point and just did not want to bother anymore, it was his house I went to, so I could give up the need to be responsible and just let him take over for a while.  And it went both ways, obviously.  I was there for him all the time too, and did whatever I could to help him get his life on track and sort through stuff.

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Return from the front line – Part 8

February 28, 2010 at 2:06 am (arsehats, Dating, personal)

It was harder this time.  I somehow managed to delude myself entirely about what was going on in the relationship, while at the same time I slowly started to lose different parts of my identity.

I let him treat me like crap for the three months, and I didn’t notice this until after we broke up.  And even then, it was other people pointing it out that finally woke me up to it.

In the two weeks since we broke up, I’ve spent a lot of time with friends, I’ve gone out more than usual, I’ve been drunk more often than I’d care to admit on a public forum, and I’ve had more fun and been happier than ever.  But I still have some unresolved issues to get out and I’m hoping this will help.

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Where do trolls come from?

October 17, 2009 at 11:29 am (arsehats, idiots, Rapists)

I’ve never had an official policy on comments for this blog, because I’ve never needed one.  I’m still not going to implement one, however the following comments were never, ever going to be approved to be published.  They will be posted here, though, just to make sure no one misses them.

If any of you feel like letting jjhatts know what you think of their shit, feel free.  I’m not sure they’re worth the time, but someone certainly needs to wake this troll up.

On a post about unacceptable use of endearments by strangers:

Is bitch acceptable?  Would it be offensive too you if I asked if you wear panties everyday at work? If it would, then I’m not asking. Also do you hang out every once in a while after work at any particular place? I’ll let you buy me a drink.

On the post about being asked to be a fill-in receptionist:

Did he tell you specifically that he’d like you too work customer service for a little while because you have a vagina, or do you just THINK the world revolves around your vagina?

And the one that really proved this *person* is an utter scumbag and total troll, from the ‘Rape is always Rape’ post:

She took her clothes off, she wanted too fuck. No means no, she didn’t say no, so they fucked. If I’d been there I would have gone for sloppy seconds.

For the record jjhatts, you’ve been added to the spam queue and your comments will not be approved on this blog.  Take your ball elsewhere to play.

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Interesting Plane Journey

September 26, 2009 at 9:04 pm (arsehats, bullying, feminism, Giant Babies, idiots, male privilege, personal)

I´m currently killing time in a bus station in Marbella, so figured I´d post an update.  Especially given how neglected my poor blog and readers have been lately.  It´s a pity I have so much luggage and that it´s raining because I´ve heard Marbella is nice to walk around.

So anyway, having an interesting journey on my third trip to Europe since Sept 08.  I´m still trying to work out if the reactions I´m getting are based on my age or my gender, but I´m trying not to dwell on it.

On the plane ride between Milan and Malaga I had quite a typical specimen sitting behind me.  He was a white, middle aged man (obviously from the ´he´) using a laptop, so presumably important in some way, even if only in his own head.  And he was definitely important in his own head.  The flight attendants were some of the nicest I´ve encountered so far (and I´ve been on a lot of flights…); unexpected given I was flying with a discount airline.*

The woman next to me appeared to be slightly older than middle aged and was travelling with a four year old girl.  She didn´t speak English or Italian (she was Romanian fwiw), and it appeared to be her first flight from her reactions to various things.  I helped her, as best I could through the language barrier, to put on the seatbelts and follow the basic instructions of the staff.  When the food cart came along, she attempted to purchase a hot chocolate for the little girl, but only had a 50 euro note on her.  Now I don´t know what the hell is the issue on this continent, but they will very rarely accept such a large denomination for anything, and when they do it´s always with lots of sighing and pointed looks at all the extra work you´re giving them.  This woman had nothing smaller than a 50 and could not understand the attendants, although they did try switching languages for her, and even attempted Spanish.  At this point I checked my wallet and took out enough money for her hot chocolate and my coffee.  It seemed to be the easiest course of action, and also felt like the right thing to do.  As someone who travels quite frequently, and often alone, I´m grateful for every little bit of help I receive from strangers, whether it´s directions, help with my luggage (it´s so heavy!  and there are so many stairs! everywhere!), or whatever.  So I helped her out because I could.  I only include this part of the story because when I was reflecting on the second part it struck me as twice as ridiculous given this part.

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The Juiciest Gazelle is the Easiest to Catch*

September 3, 2009 at 9:26 pm (arsehats, Dating, feminism, Giant Babies, idiots, male privilege, men hate you, personal)

My cousin (we’ll call her S) is breaking my heart.  She is twenty four and has a lot going for her.  Except for her dickhead boyfriend.  He is not something good in her life and it hurts when I think of the situation she’s currently in.

I recently found out that he has previously cheated on her four times.  That’s with four different people for those wanting the clarification.  After this revelation (and it’s kinda telling that she hid this from us), she found out he had a mobile phone that he was hiding from her and, when she found it, he spent a long time trying to delete as many messages as he could before she saw them.  He’s slept with at least two more women (as well as the other four) and has stopped short off sleeping with others.  When all of this came to light, she dumped him.  She didn’t kick him out of her house, or even our of her bed, but they were apparently broken up.  And he was saying things like “I have nothing to live for without you” and “At work today I was on the 42nd floor and realised how easy it would be to unclip my harness”.  Given past events, his comments are way out of line and unacceptable.  I would dump him for that part alone.  He also told her that the only reason they’re not together anymore is because she won’t forgive him.**

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