The entirety of this post is after the jump as it concerns personal stories, and I’d like to hide it just a little bit more than normal.
Following on from my Nice Guy posts, here are some people who write better than I do:
tigtog dealt with it nicely at Finally, A Feminism 101 Blog in Frequently Whimpered Whines: The Nice Guys™ theme song
There’s a collection of awesome at Heartless Bitches
A comic here
Can anyone guess what I’ve spent all day at work doing?
A Nice Guy infestation is spreading through my life like a zombie outbreak. Only nowhere near as cool. I wish I was in a zombie apocalypse and could smash heads in with sledgehammers. That would be way cool, especially compared to … this. I have four examples for you, dear readers, just from the last couple of weeks of my life. (And on a sidenote, aren’t you all lucky I chose to stop wasting my time with these dickwads, and start blogging again? Much better use of this precious resource, I think).
At work recently, my manager played us a video from Any Given Sunday. It was Al Pacino’s speech about winning by banding together and fighting inch by inch etc. And now I want to steal the inch metaphor for my own usage, and totally corrupt it in the process.
The inch by inch theory is the reason I hold grudges for so long. Otherwise it will happen the same way every time: someone does something big and huge and unforgivable, and you walk away from them. Then, over time, you let go of the anger because you want to be lighter and happy and a better person, but there’s still no need to talk to that person. Then, you run into them somewhere and you smile a little and say hi, because what’s the point in ignoring them, and you’ve already forgotten about the mean thing, right? Plus, it’s not like you’re friends, you’re just saying hi. And then, you’re both at a party or a pub or whatever and you run into each other and there’s a bit of small talk, because after all, there’s no point in being angry anymore, right? You’re both in the same place, you may as well be nice and catching up with someone you’ve known for a while is fun. Then it happens a few more times, and you’re catching up with them more often than you’d think. And you’ve forgotten about that horrible thing, and you’re just acquaintances, so it’s all good. Until something major goes wrong for one of you, and the other is the one that is turned to. Whether it’s them or you, the bond is formed again and whatever has gone wrong is worked through and you’re closer than ever. And then they do something big and huge and unforgivable. And that’s when you remember why you weren’t friends anymore in the first place.
How do you tell the difference? I’m stuck, and in exactly the same position I end up in quite often.
I date two types of guys, deadset, downright arsehats and really really over the top nice guys. Not Nice Guys ™, but actually genuinely nice guys. Two very big extremes, I have issues with middle grounds. It’s true, ask my psych 🙂
About six weeks ago I started dating a guy that was kind, considerate, fairly smart, funny and could mostly keep up with me. And by the third date I was over it. Or, at least I thought I was. So I let him know I wasn’t interested and I walked away.
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I officially decided a couple of months ago that I’m ready to start dating again after coffeeguy. Still trying to work out why I even bothered. (And to the few readers that I have left, sorry if you thought there would be less dating posts these days)
So, in no particular order…
It was harder this time. I somehow managed to delude myself entirely about what was going on in the relationship, while at the same time I slowly started to lose different parts of my identity.
I let him treat me like crap for the three months, and I didn’t notice this until after we broke up. And even then, it was other people pointing it out that finally woke me up to it.
In the two weeks since we broke up, I’ve spent a lot of time with friends, I’ve gone out more than usual, I’ve been drunk more often than I’d care to admit on a public forum, and I’ve had more fun and been happier than ever. But I still have some unresolved issues to get out and I’m hoping this will help.
So… I’m back. Tail is firmly between my legs, head is bowed, and a look of shame covers my face.
But I returned anyway!
This newly single blogger is back to what she loves doing and I hope you’re all still around to read whatever I type.
Things with C (who, from this point on, shall be known as dickhead) didn’t work out. But in true whyimbitter style, they SPECTACULARLY didn’t work out. I will, of course, be writing about all our issues in great detail at a later date. It’s going to be hard to go through because it’s still quite fresh and because I’m embarrassed and ashamed about the way I let him treat me. On the upside, it only took me three months to stand up for myself and get rid of him.
I am definitely enjoying being single, though. I have been out almost every/day night since the break up and I’ve never been happier. I am surrounded by awesome friends and family who love me and don’t treat me like crap.
So, basically, I’m back and I hope I still have some readers left after my hiatus. *waves* missed you
I have officially sold out, on so many different levels. I am now ‘officially’* in a relationship. Coffeeguy (who shall be referred to as ‘C’ from here on out) and I finally managed to get our acts together. It only took four months of dating for us to reach this point, but hey, maybe that’s what I needed.