What is going on? A post from whyimbitter? WHAT?! She still exists? What is happening here?!
My dear readers, I have been happy lately. I know some of you may need a minute to breathe after that sentence, but I must push on. It is well past my bedtime now, and I have to get the anger out before I hit the sack.
These days I have a job I actually enjoy, excel at and am challenged by enough to be happy. I am not in collections anymore and the change has been wonderful for my mental health. I haven’t been on meds in about six months and I’m doing really well.
And the key ingredient in the life makeover: the new relationship. Or not so new, given it’s six months for us next Saturday. Who knew that being with someone who treats you well, loves you, and isn’t a total douchebag would be so wonderful? And why didn’t they tell me if they knew so much?
So, what on Earth could possibly be making me bitter these days, with so much happiness and fairies and unicorns and rainbows in my life? The not quite ex wife is the million dollar answer on that one.
Background: my partner has a child and is recently separated from his wife. She is not the biological mother of the child, however has been in her life for ten years, since child was three, so is still a big influence here. He is trying to do the right thing by allowing her to maintain her relationship with the child. His unofficial custody arrangement is that he gets weekends, unless the biological mother decides otherwise at the last moment. So he’s now sharing his random weekends with the ex wife (now referred to as BK). Previously, the child stayed at BK’s house every weekend and they worked things out from there, however both living situations has changed and he now has a room for her whereas BK doesn’t.*
BK is not happy with how things are turning out. As a person she is incredibly selfish and self absorbed. She does not think about anyone but herself and she goes out of her way to intimidate me whenever my man (here out referred to as SM leaves the room. She definitely picked the wrong target to do that with.
In the last couple of weeks, she has gone too far. BK wanted to make plans with the child for a certain weekend and was told by SM that those plans wouldn’t work because we were all going out for my birthday on the Saturday and the child would be setting her room up on the Sunday. It was agreed that we would work out plans for the following weekend and everyone left it at that. Until BK sent a message directly to the child, bypassing us, and told her she could stay at her house for that entire weekend.
At this point, we were stuck. If we said no and made the plans change, the child would see us as the bad guys who were ruining things for no reason. If we let it go ahead, BK is getting her way and will feel she can get away with this every time. To me, at this point, I felt it was clear BK was threatened. The only reason to go behind our backs would be if she didn’t feel she could get access any other way. Which is crap because she’s never been unfairly denied any time with the child and she wouldn’t be.
This weekend was the weekend she organised. We did some slight re-arranging and spent some time with the child on Saturday afternoon before she went to BK’s. While she was here, I discussed future plans to bake together – something I enjoy doing that the child had expressed an interest in. Tonight the child uploaded a photo on facebook of the cupcakes she baked today with BK.
BK has never shown an interest in baking and has never baked with the child. I would put money on this happening the following way:
The child (TC) tells a story about cooking class where she was not allowed to make raspberry tarts. She adds that it’s ok because I agreed to make them with her later. BK suddenly pulls out cupcake mix and does it with her.
I’m more angry about this than I should be, but dammit I have done everything possible to not step on her toes or try to take her place. All I’m trying to do is find common ground and activities to bond with TC over for SM’s sake. Why does she find that so threatening that she needs to try and take it away from me? What possible motivation could she have for trying to screw with the plans this way?
And given that in the twenty four hours she had TC for, she took her to the movies, roller skating, and made cupcakes, I can’t see it as anything other than her feeling threatened and trying to buy TC’s love through activities. A normal weekend would not involve so many activities aimed directly at her.
That’s what’s making me bitter tonight. Here’s hoping it doesn’t ruin my week.
*And yes, it’s changed because he now lives with me. Yay 🙂
**Please note the letters are not initials of their names. I’m not that obvious!