I love this post so much I want to print it out and stick it to my wall. All of my walls. And hand it out to people I meet on the street.
Then stop it.
Then share it.
There usually comes a moment in most new relationships or friendships where a feminist realises this new person she’s invested so much time and energy and trust etc in doesn’t view her as a human.*
It’s odd, because we know this to be true of most p-indoctrinated people. Things would not happen the way they do if the majority of the world viewed women as equal humans. But it’s just so heartbreakingly different when it smacks you in the face in your personal life.
My cousin (we’ll call her S) is breaking my heart. She is twenty four and has a lot going for her. Except for her dickhead boyfriend. He is not something good in her life and it hurts when I think of the situation she’s currently in.
I recently found out that he has previously cheated on her four times. That’s with four different people for those wanting the clarification. After this revelation (and it’s kinda telling that she hid this from us), she found out he had a mobile phone that he was hiding from her and, when she found it, he spent a long time trying to delete as many messages as he could before she saw them. He’s slept with at least two more women (as well as the other four) and has stopped short off sleeping with others. When all of this came to light, she dumped him. She didn’t kick him out of her house, or even our of her bed, but they were apparently broken up. And he was saying things like “I have nothing to live for without you” and “At work today I was on the 42nd floor and realised how easy it would be to unclip my harness”. Given past events, his comments are way out of line and unacceptable. I would dump him for that part alone. He also told her that the only reason they’re not together anymore is because she won’t forgive him.**
When you are looking after your kids, you are NOT baby sitting til your partner gets home. THEY ARE YOUR KIDS. Baby sitting is an activity engaged in by people who are not the primary caregivers.
No, seriously, listen to me. If you are watching the kids and you see yourself as baby sitting, you have a BIG issue that needs to be solved. As their father you should be one of the primary caregivers. And you should see yourself that way. And looking after them? Shouldn’t be a temporary thing to give their mum a break, or time to do errands, or whatever other reason you have.
So, no more. You are not baby sitters. You are parents.
PS. I hate adding these damn things, but I seem to have a lot of anti feminists over here these days, so here goes:
If you’re a father that doesn’t see looking after the kids as baby sitting, this post is not directed at you. Do not take offence, do not send me emails, I don’t care.
If you’re a person who has heard mothers use the same phrase and are about to get up in arms about this post being directed at fathers only, go start your own damn blog and direct something at those mothers. This post (like 90% of the blog) is inspired by my personal experience and this is what I wanted to say. And mothers cop enough shit off everyone to not get it in my space.
Wow. I mean, we all knew this kind of attitude existed – feminists have been calling people out for this shit for years. Doesn’t mean I’d expect to see a Judge come out and say it. On the other hand, at least with this crap so blatant and out in the open we have a better chance of fighting it.
From the article:
A JUDGE has questioned if a man who had sex with a drunken woman after she passed out should be “marked for the rest of his days as a rapist”
In short, yes. Longer: Ab-so-fucking-lutely. Because he IS a rapist. So yes, he should be marked as one.
Next time someone says feminism has gone too far, or that it’s no longer relevant, or whatever other bullshit they’re spouting these days, send them here. Or indeed, next time someone asks me why I’m so bitter for someone so young…
Is it seriously 2009??? This is getting freaking ridiculous.
roughseasinthemed has a post up at Clouds Moving in about Impact v. Intent. Reading it got me thinking about this post of mine and the resulting mess. And then I gained another perspective on the whole issue.
Everybody gets taught the ‘two sides to every story’ line. From the time we’re kids it is drummed into us. Every schoolyard fight, every misunderstanding between friends, every applicable situation, we get told ‘there are two sides to every story’. And you know, it’s true, there ARE two sides to every story. But sometimes they’re exactly the same, whether both sides admit it or not.
So here we all are for, hopefully, the final instalment about my adventures with B. I do hope any future dates I go on do not provide this much blog fodder, no matter how entertaining they’ve been for the rest of you.
Onwards to the misogyny and my wrap up at the end.