Scared or Just Not Interested?

October 5, 2010 at 10:46 pm (Dating, personal)

How do you tell the difference?  I’m stuck, and in exactly the same position I end up in quite often.

I date two types of guys, deadset, downright arsehats and really really over the top nice guys.  Not Nice Guys ™, but actually genuinely nice guys.  Two very big extremes, I have issues with middle grounds.  It’s true, ask my psych 🙂

About six weeks ago I started dating a guy that was kind, considerate, fairly smart, funny and could mostly keep up with me.  And by the third date I was over it.  Or, at least I thought I was.  So I let him know I wasn’t interested and I walked away.
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Link Love

October 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm (feminism, male privilege, Rapists)

I love this post so much I want to print it out and stick it to my wall.  All of my walls.  And hand it out to people I meet on the street.

Read it.

Then stop it.

Then share it.

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The Blame Game

October 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm (abuse, arsehats, bullying, Dating, feminism, office, personal, Rapists)

A few years ago I followed a link and read this by Andrea Dworkin. I was upset and confused about such a strong feminist choosing not to report such a horrible thing to the police. I didn’t understand. And I felt it was my right to judge her, and all of her feminist acts, based on this one thing. I was very, very wrong.

These days though, I get it. I have never been raped (to my knowledge), but I have been in bad situations and haven’t reported any of them to authorities. I won’t report him for drugging me. I won’t report him to HR for causing my work life to be increasingly uncomfortable just because we had a bad date. I didn’t report my previous employer for the harassment and subsequent victimisation they put me through, even though it led to me quitting with no job lined up. And those are only the recent examples. I have a long history of not reporting things, and I feel this will continue far into my future (assuming of course that these horrible events keep occuring to me).

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What if it was your sister/mother/daughter?

September 28, 2010 at 12:12 am (cliches)

Can we talk about this question for a minute?  How often do you hear this in an effort to encourage others to act against an outrage?  Or to explain why they acted?

Shouldn’t it be enough that it’s a human being?  Do you really need an actual blood connection to someone to care when bad things are happening to them?

I see this all the time and it’s a major pet peeve.  It also happens when news outlets report on major disasters, at least in Australia.  We always get told exactly how many Australians were impacted, with less focus on the total number of humans affected, because obviously it’s more important to know how many people from your country were affected, and never mind those pesky foreigners.

And hey, no one messes with the women in *my* family.  If it happens to someone else well, that’s their problem isn’t it?  Women?  Not so important.  One of my women?  That’s just not cricket, sport.

Anyone else notice this and get annoyed, or is it just my sleep deprived brain looking for an argument?

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Body Issues

September 28, 2010 at 12:00 am (Uncategorized)

I have a new job since last time I was posting (and I’ve moved twice – not the most stable person in the world), and some people at my new job are certainly proving to be interesting…

My supervisor went home sick last week because she was throwing up uncontrollably.  About an hour after she left, the woman who sits next to me said she was jealous of the lucky b*tch because of how much weight she’d lose from throwing up.  I surely thought she was kidding and asked as much and for my efforts I received a lecture about how much weight she’d gained since quitting smoking.

So to recap, a fifty plus woman at work* quit smoking for health reasons, gained weight, and is now jealous every time someone else gets sick enough they start throwing up and can’t eat.

What on earth is wrong with society???


*I mention the age because by the patriarchy rules, she’s past her ‘use by’ date and therefore her looks don’t matter anymore.  It’s not how I think, I’m trying to use their mindset for a minute.

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More Dating issues, or Why Do I Even Bother?

September 27, 2010 at 5:38 pm (arsehats, Dating, office, personal)

I officially decided a couple of months ago that I’m ready to start dating again after coffeeguy.  Still trying to work out why I even bothered.  (And to the few readers that I have left, sorry if you thought there would be less dating posts these days)

So, in no particular order…

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Betrayed and lost

September 27, 2010 at 8:11 am (arsehats, idiots, personal)

I had a friend.  He was kind of my best friend.  I could always count on him to say exactly what I needed (not wanted) to hear, and be there when I needed it.

When I was having issues with my sleeping (depression related – symptom of a bad relationship then a bad break up), his house was the only place I could get a full, decent night’s sleep.*  When I hit my absolute lowest point and just did not want to bother anymore, it was his house I went to, so I could give up the need to be responsible and just let him take over for a while.  And it went both ways, obviously.  I was there for him all the time too, and did whatever I could to help him get his life on track and sort through stuff.

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Return from the front line – Part 8

February 28, 2010 at 2:06 am (arsehats, Dating, personal)

It was harder this time.  I somehow managed to delude myself entirely about what was going on in the relationship, while at the same time I slowly started to lose different parts of my identity.

I let him treat me like crap for the three months, and I didn’t notice this until after we broke up.  And even then, it was other people pointing it out that finally woke me up to it.

In the two weeks since we broke up, I’ve spent a lot of time with friends, I’ve gone out more than usual, I’ve been drunk more often than I’d care to admit on a public forum, and I’ve had more fun and been happier than ever.  But I still have some unresolved issues to get out and I’m hoping this will help.

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Hello :)

February 27, 2010 at 11:14 pm (Dating, personal)

So… I’m back.  Tail is firmly between my legs, head is bowed, and a look of shame covers my face.

But I returned anyway!

This newly single blogger is back to what she loves doing and I hope you’re all still around to read whatever I type.

Things with C (who, from this point on, shall be known as dickhead) didn’t work out.  But in true whyimbitter style, they SPECTACULARLY didn’t work out.  I will, of course, be writing about all our issues in great detail at a later date.  It’s going to be hard to go through because it’s still quite fresh and because I’m embarrassed and ashamed about the way I let him treat me.  On the upside, it only took me three months to stand up for myself and get rid of him.

I am definitely enjoying being single, though.  I have been out almost every/day night since the break up and I’ve never been happier.  I am surrounded by awesome friends and family who love me and don’t treat me like crap.

So, basically, I’m back and I hope I still have some readers left after my hiatus. *waves* missed you

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It’s Official

November 27, 2009 at 2:03 pm (Dating, personal)

I have officially sold out, on so many different levels.  I am now ‘officially’* in a relationship.  Coffeeguy (who shall be referred to as ‘C’ from here on out) and I finally managed to get our acts together.  It only took four months of dating for us to reach this point, but hey, maybe that’s what I needed.

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